Learning to be a Dutiful Carnivore

Jane Legge: Learning to Be a Dutiful Carnivore

Dogs and cats and goats and cows,

Ducks and chickens, sheep and sows

Woven into tales for tots,

Pictured on their walls and pots.

Time for dinner! Come and eat

All your lovely juicy meat.

One day ham from Percy Porker

(In the comics he's a corker):

Then the breast from Mrs. Cluck

Or the wing from Donald Duck.

Liver next from Clara Cow

(No, it doesn't hurt her now).

Yes, that leg's from Peter Rabbit

Chew it well; make that a habit.

Eat the creatures killed for sale,

But never pull the pussy's tail.

Eat the flesh from "filthy hogs"

But never be unkind to dogs.

Grow up into double-think-

Kiss the hamster; skin the mink.

Never think of slaughter, dear,

That's why animals are here.

They only come on earth to die,

So eat your meat, and don't ask why.

(Illustration by Pawel Kuczynski)

Terminator "Plants tho."

John Connor: No, no, no, no. You gotta litem to the way people talk. You don't say "plants are conscious like animals despite the fact that they don't have brains" or some shit like that. You say "plants tho." And if someone comes on to you with an attitude you say "whatever LOL." And if you want to shine them on it's "mmm, bacon."

Terminator: mmm, bacon.

John Connor: Yeah or "mmm steak." And if someone gets upset you say "cry more." Or, you can do combinations.

Terminator: Cry more. Steak tho.

John Connor: Great! See, you're getting it!

Terminator: Plants tho.

If dogs awaiting

"If dogs awaiting slaughter in china is wrong... then cows awaiting slaughter in America is wrong."

I went fishing.

First panel:

Person A [standing next to the back of a dog hanging out of a bucket]: I put a sharp piece of metal on a string in my dog's food, and when she started eating, I pulled string so the metal went through her face, then I dragged her in o this bucket and drowned her.

Person B: What the fuck is the matter with you?

---

Second panel:

Person A [standing next to a fish suffocating on the ground]: I went fishing.

Person B: That's nice, did you take your kids?

Well you ate meat once!

"Well you ate meat once!"

"Yes I certainly did, difference being when someone showed me what I was contributing to, told me that doing so was immoral and explained why the way I viewed non-human animals was bigoted, I didn't cry like a baby, throw a shit fit and bend over backwards trying to justify my actions. I just apologized for my ignorance and changed my lifestyle accordingly. You know, like an adult."